Sponge Bob saves lives!

Check out: "Choking Girl Saved by Lessons From 'SpongeBob'" - PopEater.com

http://www.popeater.com/2010/04/23/choking-girl-saved-by-lessons-from-spongebob/?icid=popeater-iphone-url


We know SpongeBob entertains, but we had no idea he could save lives! A girl from Long Island credits 'SpongeBob' for showing her how to perform the Heimlich maneuver on a choking friend, reports Newsday (via AP).



Allyson Golden and Miriam Starobin found a joke their teacher told on Tuesday so funny that they were both "on the floor" laughing. But the laughter in the Long Beach Middle School music class soon stopped, as Allyson started choking on her gum. She began kicking her legs and turned red. That's when her best friend Miriam, 12, sprung into action. With the aid of lessons learned from the television show 'SpongeBob SquarePants,' Miriam performed the lifesaving Heimlich maneuver and Allyson's gum popped out of her mouth.


"Her hands were around her throat and she's turning purple and I'm going, 'Oh my God,'" Miriam recalled to ABC News. "The first thing I did was channel SpongeBob," she told Good Day NY on Friday. "I saw SpongeBob do the Heimlich."



In one episode of the series, the surly character Squidward swallows a fork and is revived by Patrick. Squidward also once had a clarinet in his throat and was saved by SpongeBob. 'SpongeBob' is an animated TV show on Nickelodeon.



"[The gum] flew across the room like five feet. I was so thankful she saved my life," said Allyson.



"We think it's smart thinking on Miriam's part, and we are happy that SpongeBob could be such a positive help," said a spokesperson from Nickelodeon.



Miriam claims she also likes 'Grey's Anatomy' and other medical shows. She has not received formal training in performing the Heimlich maneuver.



Allyson is in good medical condition.





-------------------------------

This article came from the PopEater iPhone App, which features all of the content from the PopEater.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.popeater.com/downloads/iphone

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Buy a bed- fed a mouse to gator? How dumb!

Check out: "Alligator Feeding at Store Grand Opening Shocks Furniture Shoppers" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/21/alligator-feeding-at-store-grand-opening-shocks-furniture-shoppe/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


We're not marketing experts, but the traumatic deaths of small mammals probably isn't the best way to attract new customers to your business. But who knows, maybe you can sell furniture based on how many bunnies a gator will eat.



In Los Lunas, N.M., a furniture store decided the best way to get people excited about no-credit-check-needed rentals was to toss some live animals to a pit full of gators every so often.



Thoughtfully, management warned folks before they tossed the mice and rabbits to their ends, so folks could turn away if they'd rather not sacrifice their children's innocence on the altar of affordable sofa beds.



The store admits that there were gators, and that they were fed live animals, though they insist it was only mice and not rabbits ... and that everyone was told ahead of time when the feeding would occur. Customers say the gators were next to a child's play area.



We say show us the video, Internet! And the Supreme Court agrees.


-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

I find many women LOVE to talk to me over the phone.

"Women Swoon Over Men With Monotone Voices" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/20/women-swoon-over-men-with-monotone-voices-clint-eastwood-george-clooney/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.



Males with a steady tone of voice have a significantly higher number of sex partners than their tonally inconsistent counterparts.



Researchers tested 200 men to observe how much their vocal pitch changed during a simulated dating game, among other situations. The less a man's voice wavered, the more sexual partners that guy reported over the past year.



Experts believe a monotone voice signals to a woman that a man is strong, powerful and in control -- a gent who won't waver in stressful situations. Clint Eastwood and George Clooney are examples of men whose monotone voices contribute to their sex appeal.



And, of course, there's perfectly even-voiced Nixon-speechwriter-turned-actor-and-game-show-host Ben Stein. You'd be a fool to let your woman within a city block of that smooth-talking cat.


-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

He has risen indeed!

Check out: "Church Erects Jesus Painting With a Foot-Tall Penis" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/16/warr-acres-oklahoma--st-charles-borromeo-catholic-church-jesus-penis-painting/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


He hath risen.



Well, probably not in the biblical sense, but a painting depicting the crucifixion of Jesus, which hangs in Warr Acres, Okla., seems to indicate Jesus indeed had a rising ... in his pants.



As you can see in the picture here, Jesus appears to have, for some inexplicable reason, a giant penis. Considering the artwork is approximately 10 feet tall, that would make this an almost foot-long wiener.



Of course, the parishioners of St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church -- and pretty much every other Christian -- have a problem with it: "I think it's an embarrassment to our Lord," one longtime churchgoer told the local news station. "I think it's an embarrassment to our parishioners. And I think it's an embarrassment to our visitors."



Interestingly enough, instead of admitting that a giant penis is depicted in the painting, the local archdiocese, the church's leader and even the artist himself are denying that's what's being pictured here.



Father Phillip Seeton says that it's actually showing abdominal distension, probably caused by Christ's many hardships in the name of God.



What do you think? (Hint: It's definitely a penis.)




-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Why are the Smarties always the Smellys

Check out: "Nerd Body Odor Out of Control at MIT" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/14/nerd-body-odor-out-of-control-at-mit/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


MIT has a well-deserved reputation of being home to the kinds of people who will get rich off of making the world a better place while the rest of us read about it online. However, genius apparently has its limitations, and at MIT those limitations are represented hygienically.



Body odor has become such an issue in the halls that the school has actually invested money in buying toothpaste and deodorant for rank, nasty students who are funking up the buildings. Can you even begin to imagine how much stink we're talking about if administrators had to get together and allocate funds to deal with it?



Asking people to run a wet cloth across their bits might have worked just as well, but for whatever reason, since a number of hardcore students are willing to eschew even the basics of living during study sessions leading up to finals, this was apparently the best solution available.



Here's hoping all these people graduate and go on to invent personal jetpacks and portable, affordable baconizers, thus making this all worthwhile. Keep reading and be amused by some of the brains at MIT graphing the problem out for CNN.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

I love scotch! And I want her job!

Check out: "Heather Greene, Scotch Master -- Hot Girl, Cool Job" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/14/heather-greene-scotch-master-hot-girl-cool-job/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Scotch master Heather Greene travels the globe offering booze enthusiasts the "Deadwood" equivalent of the Pepsi Challenge: The New York native provides blindfolds and, with snifters full of cinnamon and wood and pears and honey, schools the soused about the sauce -- in particular Glenfiddich Scotch Whisky. She helps drunks everywhere find out just which single malt whisky works best with their respective palettes. Trouble is, Greene goes down smoother than any swill the Scottish distillery has to offer.



You've been heading up Glenfiddich Scotch tastings for three years now. What did you do before then?

I am also a professional musician. Just as the music industry imploded around 2005, I was selling out tours in 10 European cities but bringing home a nickel and some drunken memories. While I was living in Edinburgh I needed some dough to record and satisfy my weekend-trip-to-Paris habit. So I walked into the Scotch Malt Whisky Society in Edinburgh to ask for a job, and they liked the idea of a Manhattanite working there.



I completely fell in love with the wistful world that is Scotch whisky. Within one year I had visited a dozen distilleries, taken a test to find out I was a "nose," served on the SMWS tasting panel (the first American woman, I'm told) and collected so many bottles I took a ship home from England so I could sneak them by customs. I've actually done that four times now.
That's quite a collection. So just how loyal are you to Glenfiddich? If Macallan called with a job offer, would you consider?

I don't care for the overt and strong sherry notes of their whiskies, and I would also get tired hanging around 60- to 80-year-old men in golf slacks correcting me on how to drink my dram. Glenfiddich is an exciting place to work. They have a true pioneering spirit, no pun intended, and are willing explore new ways to reach new drinkers. I've done tastings in odd art spaces, and I've worked with chefs on cooking and pairing with Glenfiddich. The fact that they even hired me is pioneering; most ambassadors are young men with an accent and a kilt. So, no, I have no interest in switching to another brand. Some of the opportunities that have come my way include offers to move to South Africa, Russia, France, work on TV shows, write books, teach, open whisky bars, and even pose nude with a whisky bottle. I've yet to be tempted. I've got the dream gig.



Are you usually working art shows and dinner parties? What's the usual scene like?

There isn't always a formula. I try to go where I can make an impact and find a way to create a meaningful experience with a loyal whisky drinker or novice. I've done whisky-paired dinners, charity events, speaking engagements, magazine parties, private parties, press events, men's clubs, restaurants and bars. Last week I met Sir Sean Connery, Donald Trump and Alan Cumming at the Glenfiddich-sponsored "Dressed to Kilt" annual event. That was good fun.

Do you find anything particularly sexy about your job?

I'll tell you what is super-sexy, and that's a woman walking into a bar and saying, "Glenfiddich 18. Neat. Side of water." I also like to see a female mixologist handle whisky and know what she's doing, like Aisha Sharpe at The Breslin in the Ace Hotel. Add her to my crush list.



Where in NYC do you recommend people go for a decent Scotch selection or just a flat-out damn-good deal?

I love Ari Form's cocktails at The Jakewalk in Brooklyn. He stunned me with this amazing nutmeg-infused Glenfiddich, and they have a killer collection.



You can't go wrong visiting Ethan Kelly at the Brandy Library for a huge selection, and for something esoteric, the recently opened 10 Downing has a Glenfiddich 15, a tea-infused whisky cocktail.



Highlands in the West Village is fabulous. I think Jim Meehan at PDT is great with whisky, as is Brian Miller at Death + Company. Hudson Bar and Books has a great list, too. Finally, Glenfiddich 12 can be found at just about any bar. It's springtime, and sipping that on ice is pure joy.

Are you a hot girl with a cool job? Write us so we can appreciate you.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

How about a nice game of chess?

Check out: "WarGames 'Shall we play a game?' computer for sale; credit cards at DEFCON 1 (video)" - www.engadget.com http://www.engadget.com/2010/04/13/wargames-shall-we-play-a-game-computer-for-sale-credit-cards/?icid=engadget-iphone-url

You know what sells? Nostalgia. And while you might be from the Kin generation, you have undoubtedly heard the W.O.P.R. supercomputer utter the text-to-speech phrase, "Shall we play a game?" from the speaker resting atop David Lightman's IMSAI 8080. The 1983 film WarGames is the stuff of nerd legend, of geek folklore; a 1200 baud, acousticly-coupled, wardialing catalyst in a Hollywood blockbuster that gave phreakers mainstream cred and a real chance at Ally Sheedy. Appraised at $25,000, the perfectly preserved IMSAI 8080 and its associated peripherals will go sale to the general public soon. So embrace it, buy it, and then hand over your icon of computing to the Smithsonian where it can be admired for generations. See the 8080 after the break with a gratuitous WarGames trailer tossed in just for fun.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Engadget iPhone App, which features everything from the latest smartphone news, to reviews and hands-on looks at laptops, HDTVs, gaming, and more. To learn more about the app or download it go here: http://www.engadget.com/downloads/iphone

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

I think someone needs a timeout and a nap

Check out: "Ice Hockey Coach Fined for Phenomenal Rink-Side Outburst" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/30/jim-playfair-ice-hockey-coach-fined-for-phenomenal-outburst/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Ice hockey, ironically, has long been a heated sport, though usually because of player-on-player violence



Try telling that to Coach Jim Playfair who has received a fine for a sensational outburst during a match between his Canadian side Abbotsford Heat and Hamilton Bulldogs.



The coach smashed two sticks over the boards and then ripped off his jacket, Hulk Hogan-style, while he stood on the boards and screamed obscenities at a referee.



The outburst occurred after Heat forward J.D. Watt was given a five-minute charging penalty and game misconduct for colliding with the Hamilton goaltender.



Playfair was fined an undisclosed amount and will be back behind the bench for Monday's tilt versus the Manitoba Moose. Keep reading to see him in action.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Wish this was the only issue at my job

Check out: "Workers Strike Over Lack of Free On-the-Job Beer" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/09/workers-strike-over-lack-of-free-on-the-job-beer/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Forget shorter hours or a living wage, workers in Denmark have come up with the greatest reason ever to go on strike: They are no longer to able to drink free beer all day.



Granted, the 1,050 workers who walked off the job this week work in a Carlsberg factory, where the previous policy was that employees were allowed to grab as many beers from the plant's coolers as they like, so long as they didn't appear drunk on the job.



Now the on-the-job all-you-can-drink buffet will be limited to the cafeteria during lunch, prompting the walkout. In solidarity with the factory workers' strike, Carlsberg's truck drivers -- who are still permitted to bring up to three beers on the road with them -- are also refusing to work.



This is about when you jump in your time machine and go back a couple years so you can move to Denmark and get a job at the Carlsberg plant.


-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

More Stuff to fill your noggin. Happy Monday!

  

For all you people like me who love random interesting facts...

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.  Malcolm Forbes

Stewardesses  is the  longest  word

typed with only the left   hand.

                  And  'lollipop'    is the longest word typed

with your right  hand.  

(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)  

No word  in the  English language rhymes with  

month,  orange, silver,  or  purple.

' Dreamt'  is the  only English word that ends in the letters   'mt'.  

(Are  you  doubting this?)

our eyes     are always the same size from birth,

but our nose and ears  

never stop growing.  

The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog'

uses every letter of the alphabet.  

(Now, you KNOW  you're going to try this out for accuracy,  right?)

The words  'racecar,'     'kayak'      and 'level'  are the same  whether they are read  left to right or right to left   (palindromes).    

(Yep, I knew you were going to 'do'  this one.)

There are only four  words in the English language which end in   'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.  

(You're not  possibly doubting  this, are you ?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious'  and  'facetious.'

(Yes, admit it,  you are going to say, a e i o  u)

TYPEWRITER  is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

(All you typists are going to test this out)

A  cat has 32 muscles in each ear.  

A goldfish      has a memory span of three seconds

(Some days  that's  about what my memory span is.)

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a   second. 

A shark is the only fish  that can blink with both eyes.

A snail     can sleep for three years.    

(I  know some people that could do this too!)

Almonds are a member of the peach     family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some  people like that also .  Actually I know  A  LOT of people like this!)

Babies are born without kneecaps.  

They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.  

February  1865 is the only  month in recorded history not to have a  full  moon.  

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast,

the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci  invented  the scissors

Peanuts     are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. 

The  cruise liner, QE  2,

moves  only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it  burns.

The microwave    was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

(Good thing he did that.)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls      

froze completely solid  .

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill

was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women  blink  nearly twice as much as men.

If you doubt this, watch Katie Couric conducting an interview.

Now you know more than you did before!!

Impro-Trek!

Check out: "Star Trek Meets Improv? Start Trekkin May Create a Nerd Black Hole" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/02/star-trek-meets-improv-start-trekkin-comedy/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


"We've had 40-foot-tall babies of destruction, magma bears, crotchety demigods and evil Care Bears that just didn't care," said Captain Commanding Ben Sterling of the improv group Start Trekkin NY. "But I think my favorite aliens are the ones in the crew ... when we discover that Ensign Rogers has special anime eyes that have the power to melt the hardest hearts."



Start Trekkin is a style of improvisational comedy that follows themes and tropes from the original "Star Trek." During their hour-long live shows, 8-10 performers improvise an episodic comedy within the United Federation of Planets' universe.



And check it -- they've even got girls! Keep reading more nerd love.
"[Our cast] studies the original episodes for themes and certain interactions, so they can better understand the base templates of 'Star Trek,'" Sterling said. "Some die-hard Trekkies question our terms and pseudo-science, but we find that the genre is like a costume or a set piece."



While the costumes look authentic, the cast doesn't use specific plot lines or characters from the series. The crew, ship and adventure are based on audience suggestions at each show. For example, past ship names include USS Alanis Morissette, Poodle and Shadow the Unbelievable Cat.



"During a recent show we did at the Tank, the crew aboard USS Chevy Caprice united to win an interstellar baccarat tournament and rediscovered the power of teamwork," Sterling said.



Captain Commanding founded the group in 2005 after learning the Start Trekkin format in Austin, Texas. During their five years, the troupe has performed at multiple improv and Star Trek conventions. Immediately, we wondered which of these nerd-tastic extravaganzas gets this crew more hot geek action?



"Certainly the relaxed atmosphere [at Trekkie fests] lets people be a little more open and adventurous. It's a place to meet people with shared passions," Sterling said. "Lots of couples go because it can be fun and sexy. A few couples I know have even met at conventions."



He continued, "Star Trek as a genre is kind of the answer to the nerd dilemma. It has space, science and teleportation ... but also babes in short velvet skirts and enormous butt kicking. Improv by itself isn't nerdy. Puzzle conventions at MIT are undoubtedly nerdier."



No offense, but the 3:30 a.m. crowd at Upright Citizen Brigade Theatre's Del Close Marathon definitely out-nerd any engineer getting jiggy on a jigsaw.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

My sword is part of my Zombie plan- but these folks are ridiculous!

Check out: "Revenge of the Nerds -- The Best Crimes Involving Sword Attacks" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/29/best-sword-attack-crimes/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


While being robbed at swordpoint is certainly terrifying, there's a small percentage of the brain that, while it's happening, is thinking "Are you seriously robbing me with a samurai sword right now?"



Sure back, in the day it was no big deal. But neither was climbing on top of a snarling, speeding beast, with the express purpose of jabbing another person to death with an extremely long knife.



But these days, it's only children who play with swords, and imaginary ones at that, so crimes that involve a sword tend to stand out.



Keep reading to review some of the most noteworthy sword news in modern times.
"Mom, You Always Embarrass Me at School Like This!"

You know how parent-teacher day goes: Your mom drinks a 40 oz. of Colt 45 in the parking lot, and then runs through the hallways of an elementary school, sword in hand, to confront the parents of a child who spit on you the day before. This soon-to-be-cherished family memory happened in Memphis, Tenn., in late February of this year. Officers arrested the woman, charging her with aggravated assault and having a weapon on school property, resulting in a lengthy time-out.



"This Is How I Drive Everywhere!"

It's unknown whether this 14-year-old Australian boy was inspired by the sword-wielding antics of his parents, but he does have one thing going for him: commitment. Also in late February, this young swordsman terrified a few sleepy Australian small towns for two whole days, committing various burglaries and assaults, coming away with a hefty haul of cash, jewelry and even a car. Unfortunately for him, he had some trouble staying inconspicuous. Police say that riding a four-wheeled stolen bicycle down the main road of a small town while holding a sword and a stolen purse raises a few eyebrows.



"Qapla'!"

Early 2009 saw a sharp increase in attacks and robberies by the Klingon Empire -- from zero to two in the town of Colorado Springs, Colo. In this case, two 7-11's were robbed by a mysterious figure wielding the double-bladed sword used by Klingons in

"Star Trek" known as a "bat'leth." Until these incidents, it was unclear just how serious the Cheeto and fountain soda shortage had become on the Klingon homeworld. Neither the local police nor the United Federation of Planets was able to apprehend the suspect, but it is well known that Klingon ships employ cloaking devices.



"Did It Drop Any Good Loot?"

We aren't quite sure what it is about February that makes people walk around outside with swords. Maybe everyone is sick of being cooped up in winter weather, so they go outside, making sure to keep themselves armed against snow monsters. That worked out well for a 19-year-old in California who rescued his dog from a wild raccoon.



Marquel Dawson and his 65-lb. pit bull / German shepherd mix, Stunna, were out for a walk when the dog noticed something rustling in some nearby bushes. Stunna found a cat in a battle for its life against a giant raccoon. Entering the fray, Stunna saved the cat, but soon found himself in trouble. Luckily for all, Marquel had a sword handy, and chased off the raccoon with a single blow to its shoulder. In the aftermath, Marquel gained 57 experience points, but did not level up.



"Tell Us Again, Grandma, Tell Us Again!"

This is an epic tale of badassery, and the main character is so calm and collected that you can only hope to be as cool someday. A widow, 80-year-old Jean Freke of Dorset in the U.K., fought off two large home invaders with a ceremonial sword, and explains it away as "pretty rough."



In 2003, this sweet old lady was quietly working on her will, trying to word a provision that would allow an underprivileged child a place in the choir at Winchester Cathedral. Suddenly, she heard a loud crash, walked into her hallway, and was accosted by two men. At one point, one of the men shoved Ms. Freke to the floor, which she said made her "a little nervous," but she managed to get to her feet again.



It was at that point that she had a flash of insight. As this frail old woman with a heart condition was, by her own account, "taking punches everywhere," she managed to move the fight over to where her late husband had kept a ceremonial sword from World War I. She grabbed the sword, pointed it at her attacker's chest and said, "Get out."



The men fled.



Remember: Swords, whether decorative or functional, are not playthings, and their proper use requires a good deal of practice and grunting. Please be safe.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

As Van says- "don't be a fool, wrap your tool!"

Check out: "Facebook May Help Spread Syphilis" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/25/facebook-may-help-spread-stds-syphilis-in-england/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.



Officials in England have found a link between heightened syphilis rates and areas in which Facebook is extremely popular.



According to Peter Kelly, the director of public health in Teeside, England, syphilis has increased four-fold in three regions in Great Britain, including Teeside. Interestingly, young people in those three areas are 25 percent more likely to log onto Facebook compared with young people in less syphilis-infected areas.



"Social networking sites are making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex," Kelly claims.



In response to Kelly's findings, a Facebook spokesman was dismissive, calling them "ridiculous."



We are leaning toward Facebook on this one.



Nevertheless, if you are considering defriending those who make too many annoying status updates, you might also think about axing anyone who could one day give you a sexually transmitted disease.


-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Yep- like the new hot pockets- these items are full of awesomeness.

Check out: "6 Awesome Food Products Discontinued Before Their Time" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/25/7-awesome-food-products-crystal-pepsi-mcrib/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Every so often, the powers that be in the world of marketing decide that some product just isn't worth the time and effort anymore. Maybe it costs too much to produce, maybe sales are way down, maybe someone thought mixing sirloin and butterscotch on potato chips was a good idea and the public disagreed. Here's our tribute to six such culinary delights ... may they rest in peace.



Crystal Pepsi

This must have seemed like the most brilliant marketing ploy of all time. It was Pepsi, but you could see through it. It came at a time when people were trying to be health-conscious and Pepsi figured making their drink look clean and pure would convince you it was clean and pure.



As we all know, Crystal Pepsi failed miserably, but that doesn't change the fact that it was no stupider than about 100 other ideas soft drink companies have every year. They went on to make Pepsi Blue -- huh?

The McRib

The most popular semi-regular food item on the McDonald's menu, people love this thing so much that when it does make reappearances, they go on tour to keep eating it in every city it pops up.



Basically a formed meat patty shaped to look like ribs, the McRib is pork on a bun with barbecue sauce on it that drives people crazy. It is pretty tasty though.

Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid

Kool Aid is basically sugar, water and citric acid, but Purplesaurus Rex managed to take that to awesome heights by mixing lemonade and grape in the same packet. And then they took it away from us in its prime. There's something kind of sad about mixing lemon and grape on your own in an effort to re-create the magic.

Cappuccino Gum

Trident dropped a bomb a few years back when they released cappuccino-flavored gum. Traditionally people chew gum to freshen their breath in some way, which is the opposite of what coffee does. May as well have made "bottom of the ashtray" gum and hoped for the best.



Had they called it Choco-Cream Delight or some such, it'd probably still be here today.

3-D Doritos

You could make the argument that all food is already 3-D, but that's narrow minded. 3-D Doritos were even more 3-D than 3-D. Not quite 4-D, but it was something.



Basically they were just poofy Doritos, which meant you got fewer in a bag and paid for a lot more air. But that air spread out the deliciousness and that was the point. Plus, you shouldn't eat a whole bag of Doritos anyway.

Keebler Magic Middles

Possibly the best cookie in the history of cookies, Magic Middles were bulgey cookie pockets filled with chocolate goo.



Our research hasn't been able to find even a guess as to why these cookies were discontinued, so we're forced to assume their awesomeness was making everything else Keebler made look bad.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Dave is not here man! But Cheech knows his stuff!

Check out: "Cheech Marin Crushes Anderson Cooper on 'Celebrity Jeopardy'" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/22/cheech-marin-crushes-anderson-cooper-on-celebrity-jeopardy/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Anderson Cooper sounds like a pretty knowledgeable guy when he reads off the teleprompter. However, his skills at trivial are no match for the mind of Cheech Marin, which is powered by something a little greener.



Not only did the actor and marijuana advocate crush CNN's poster boy in "Celebrity Jeopardy," but he bested comedienne Aisha Tyler, who was brainy enough to attend Dartmouth College.



Marin then appeared on "Anderson Cooper 360," where the newsman admitted humiliating defeat, and told Cheech about all the grief he has been taking since he lost to the perceived slacker.



Cooper also forwarded the theory that Marin's success was due to something called "zen of the buzzer." Which almost sounds like it would make a good Cheech and Chong movie. Read on to check it out.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Some if U may need this in the AM.

Check out: "How to Cure Your St. Patrick's Day Hangover" - PopEater.com

http://www.popeater.com/2010/03/17/tabasco-laurent-tourondel-st-patricks-day/?icid=popeater-iphone-url


It's a sad reality that many will face tomorrow morning: Too much to drink during St. Patrick's Day shenanigans will lead to a morning of pain. While there's little you can do to avoid a hangover (except, you know, not getting blind, liver-crushing drunk), there's one magic elixir that seems to be the cure-all on the morning after -- the spicy Bloody Mary. Chef Laurent Tourondel of BLT fame has teamed up with Tabasco to ease New Yorkers with their Hangover Headquarters, mobile trucks that will be doling out free food and drinks to those who are still shaking off the St. Patty's cobwebs on March 18. PopEater was able to chat with Chef Tourondel about his Bloody Mary penchant, his booze of choice and what he thought about 'The Hangover.' His Answers After the Jump!


So why is the Bloody Mary the go-to hangover drink?



The flavor combination of the saltiness, the spice of the horseradish and the kick of the vodka that can help start the next day makes a Bloody Mary the perfect hangover alternative. It's a great morning drink that perks you up for the day ahead.



Do they have/use Tabasco in France, where you're from?



Yes, Tabasco was a staple growing up and was always available - you could find it everywhere. There's always a recipe with Tabasco in France. It's also found in most every restaurant kitchen in France.



Do you have any crazy St. Patrick's Day stories, whether they involve yourself or something happening in your restaurant?



St. Patrick's day is not a holiday I celebrate too heavily. I'm able to celebrate it with a few drinks with some friends, but not too many -- which is why I'm able to work the Tabasco truck the day after.



When you belly up to a bar, what's your drink of choice besides a Bloody Mary?



Vodka soda.



If there's one celebrity, dead or alive, that you'd love to split a bottle of wine or booze with, who would it be and why?



Mick Jagger -- he has an incredible life and I'd be very curious to hear his stories over some cocktails.



Did you see the movie 'The Hangover'? If so, thoughts?



Yes, I did ... It was a very funny film. I love Las Vegas, as it's one of my favorite cities, and that must have been quite a hangover in the movie. I can say I've never had a hangover quite that bad.

-------------------------------

This article came from the PopEater iPhone App, which features all of the content from the PopEater.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.popeater.com/downloads/iphone

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

They should call it McBrunch!

I used to do something similar back in the day at BK- I called it a Cross-burger!

Check out: "Asylum Writer Tackles the McDonald's 'Mc10:35'" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/12/mcdonalds-mc10-35-egg-mcmuffin-mcdouble/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Rumored to be gaining a cult following, the Mc10:35 is a combination of a McDonald's Egg McMuffin and a McDouble, to be ordered simultaneously at 10:35, allegedly one of the few times you can order off both the breakfast and lunch menus.



After securing both items, you take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble. Hail the Mc10:35.



I've been on a mission for some time for the perfect brunch meal. I'm a writer. I keep odd hours. I love breakfast but often wake up later in the morning after staying up all night to write. My mind says breakfast but my stomach craves lunch.



Could the Mc10:35 be a happy medium? I decided to go on a mission to find and devour this food of the gods.
Unfortunately, a wall of 5'1 McDonalds cashier moxie came between me and my sammich. She was happy to punch in my order for an Egg McMuffin but shook her head at the McDouble request.



"Lunch starts at 11 a.m."



She was toeing the company line. I asked nicely, flashed my pearly whites and even gave her a pathetic "come onnnnn" in an effort to break her. She pointed to the clock and said "11" and flashed back a smile of "sorry." Apparently the ability to order breakfast and dinner at once is only possible at some McDonalds.



But I wasn't giving up yet. I ordered just the Egg McMuffin for now, then came back at 11, my bag of breakfast in tow.



"McDouble. To go."



I'll need to tackle this beast in the privacy of my own home. I want to reheat the Egg McMuffin a bit, have unlimited access to drinks and a private restroom in case this all goes horribly wrong.



As I piece the feast together I begin to wonder how the chefs at Hamburger University will feel about us commoners tinkering with their precious creations. They aren't really open to unsolicited ideas. It's a shame because a couple years back I came up with this awesome idea while I wadding drunkenly through a ball pit at the McDonald's near my college. I wish I could remember it but the taser has had some side effects.



Ugh. Canadian ham. Bacon. Whatever. This poor excuse for an egg companion from our brothers to the north is a cured meat in the still open wounds of a gold medal hockey loss.



After the first few bites and swallows my thoughts race for a beverage choice to wash this sandwich down. I had fresh brewed coffee and a can of Diet Pepsi at the ready. Coffee wasn't pushing it down far enough. The soda proved to be a better tonic as it also brought to my throat a solid burp.



If I had some at my disposal I'd chug down a tall pint of that white chalk the hospital gives you before an MRI because it would cement this grease in my stomach and I'm sure some medical professionals will want to peek into my organs after this debacle.

I'm getting weak. Sluggish. Stomach expanding rapidly. I'm hallucinating that Ronald McDonald is driving me to the hospital, which by coincidence is exactly 10 minutes and 35 seconds from my house.



However, it's actually pretty delicious. My final verdict? I would have given this sandwich an A if not for the Canadian Ham. I could have cheated and taken it off to finish the sandwich but if I wanted this piece to receive any type of writing award, I knew I'd have to see this through to the end.



Chris Illuminati lives in New Jersey and is probably not going to win an award for this piece.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

More porn- less crime.

Check out: "Porn May Be Good for Society" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/03/12/porn-access-is-inversely-related-to-sex-crime-rates/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.



Every study on the relationship between porn and sex crimes concludes that when the availability of pornography increases, the rate of sex crimes either stays static or decreases.



For example, in the United States, there has been a consistent decline in forcible rape over the last two decades. At the same time, porn has flooded the marketplace. Research from Denmark, Sweden, Germany, Japan, China, Poland, Finland and the Czech Republic shows a similar correlation.



It is true that just about all sex offenders in societies with liberal pornography laws have previously viewed porn. But so has just about all of the non-criminal males in those societies.



In fact, when comparing rapists to non-rapists in U.S. prisons, the big difference in terms of pornography viewership is that the rapists are more likely than the rest of the general prison population to have been punished for looking at porn as a youngster.



So, yes, your favorite porn starlet really is a hero.


-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

This is SOOO something my Grandma would do!

The doctor's receptionist will always ask why you are
there and you have to answer in front of the whole
waiting room and sometimes it's embarrassing.
I know most of us have experienced this and I love
the way this old guy handled it.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room
and approached the desk. The receptionist said,
"Hello sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You
shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say
things like that."
"Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told
you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "Now you've caused some
embarrassment in this room full of people. You
should have said there is something wrong with your
ear or foot then discuss the problem further with the
Doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions
in a roomful of strangers if you don't want the answer."
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then
re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled,
knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong
with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Do you think Bob Barker would say it this way?

Look at the actual ad PETA has been using recently to promote "fixing" pets





Funny... But what did Tiger do to them?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Don't whiz on the electric fence! SERIOUSLY DON'T!

Don't be like this guy!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35650429/ns/us_news-life/

I had always heard this was possible BUT- Mythbusters had a segment on peeing on the third rail of a train track- the one with the electricity- and found it to be BUSTED!

THEN- they went back and did the myth again this time with an electric fence.

guess what happened- THEY GOT SHOCKED! (cue Pepper Brooks; I feel shocked!)

So as the classic song from Ren & Stimpy says- "Don't whiz on the electric fence!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zL5XcZtBDKA&feature=youtube_gdata



- Posted using BlogPress from my BAT::iPhone

UK says- "keep you PJs at home!"

Not only has a school in Belfast banned parents from wearing PJs to pick-up/drop off their kids( as they say-"arriving at the school in pyjamas is disrespectful to the school and a bad example to set to children." - full story here: http://www.parentdish.com/2010/02/18/school-bans-parents-from-wearing-pjs-at-drop-off/ )

They also have their largest grocery chain (Tesco) saying "NO" to as they call it "nightwear". They have gone as far as having security escort a woman from one of their stores when she tried to make a purchase wearing a t-shirt and PJ pants. ( full story here: http://www.parentdish.com/2010/02/01/british-chain-says-shoppers-in-pjs-not-allowed-mom-protests/ )

so they say if you dress like this--



WE DO NOT NEED YOU!

I wonder if they would kick someone to the curb if they looked like this in PJ pants--



Of course- they could just have stick up their butt too!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Fun pics of Nora

Nora can fix stuff for Mommy and Daddy now




Daddy loves that she loves this shirt




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gimmie three scoups of this funk!

Check out: "Pizzacone, the Perfect Combination of Pizza and Cone" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/02/26/k-pizzacone-new-york-pizza-in-a-cone/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Remember back in the day when everyone ate pizza by the slice with the grease oozing off the tip and staining their clothes? Those days are over.



K! Pizzacone's revolutionary product combines the deliciousness of a pizza slice with the portability of an ice cream cone. Since its grand opening in New York City this past Monday, only one question has been on our minds -- why didn't anyone think of this before?



"The problem with pizza is that the toppings need to be proportional to the crust," said John amidst eating his first cone on Tuesday.



With Pizzacone, however, everything is combined in a swirl of cheesy goodness. Depending on your preference, either tomato or pesto sauce is poured into the crust-like cone along with melted cheese and choice of toppings. Some of the staff's personal favorites are the scrambled egg breakfast wrap and the jalapeno pepper cone.

Many New Yorkers are already flocking to Pizzacone, located on 5th Avenue in its first U.S. location, to take a bite out of this addictive concoction.



Although the eatery is usually open until midnight, Ingo Pinto, one of the store owners, had to close shop early on Monday because they had sold out. "I'm on my third one," said one New Yorker waiting in the cramped space on Tuesday.



Another customer, Joanna, thinks Pizzacone is like Go-gurt. "It's weird because pizza is already so portable," she said before sinking her teeth into the crunchy crust. It's true, why fix something that was never broken to begin with?



However, just like Go-gurt did to young kids, Pizzacone makes eating pizza more fun and exciting. As a pregnant woman, Joanna says the Pizzacone satisfies her cravings.



While these customers were enjoying the latest in pizza technology, others were not so thrilled.



"I'll stick to hot dogs," shouted one New Yorker as he left Pizzacone. "Little Italy blows this place away," said another.



But after tasting it ourselves, we expect Pizzacone to spread at least as fast as the far inferior Pinkberry.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

To boldly go to... Brooklyn?

Check out: "Trekkers Boldly Get Wild at 'The Shat Ball'" - www.asylum.com

http://www.asylum.com/2010/02/26/the-shat-ball-william-shatner-captain-kirk-birthday-party-knitting-factory/?icid=asylum-iphone-url


Happy Birthday, Captain Kir. If anyone deserves a ball thrown in his honor, it's James Tiberius, legendary leader of the USS Enterprise. And that's just what some creative Trekkers did at The Shat Ball, an event at Brooklyn's Knitting Factory honoring both the Captain and the beloved Priceline.com spokesperson / greatest actor who ever lived who portrayed him.



The event featured improv comedy from the troupe Start Trekkin' as well as Trek-themed cocktails (who doesn't love a nice Romulan Ale?), and a Captain Kirk impersonation contest dubbed "Kirk-aoke." And, of course, everyone who showed up in costume received a free drink. (And, seeing as how the event was in Brooklyn and geared toward hardcore Trekkies, everyone showed up in costume.)



Also on hand were the comedy group the Raspberry Brothers, who gave the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" treatment to the much-hated (and Shatner-directed) "Star Trek V: The Final Frontier," as well as the sci-fi-friendly rock band Fall on Your Sword. If you ever wanted to see inebriated nerds dancing to the "Star Trek" theme, this was your night.



Check out photos from the "Shat-astic" event below. For extra fun, see if you can recognize our choice quotes from the Captain himself (bonus points if you can specify the episode title and number ... and if you can, we might have a job for you).

http://xml.channel.aol.com/xmlpublisher/fetch.v2.xml?option=expand_relative_urlsamp;dataUrlNodes=uiConfig,feedConfig,localizationConfig,entryamp;id=840422amp;pid=840421amp;uts=1267205212

http://www.aolcdn.com/ke/media_gallery/v1/ke_media_gallery_wrapper.swf

The Shat Ball

"Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed ... but a woman is always a woman."

The Shat Ball

"What makes you think you're a man? You're an overgrown jackrabbit. An elf with a hyperactive thyroid."

The Shat Ball

"KHAAAAAANNN!!!!!!!"

The Shat Ball

"There are certain things men must do to remain men."

The Shat Ball

"Well, Bones, all I can suggest ... is you open up a maternity ward."

The Shat Ball

"There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere ..."

The Shat Ball

"I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is the Enterprise."

The Shat Ball

"Second star to the right ... and straight on 'til morning."

The Shat Ball

"Peace or ... UTTER DESTRUCTION ... it's up to you."

The Shat Ball

"War isn't a good life, but it's life."

The Shat Ball

-------------------------------

This article came from the Asylum iPhone App, which features all of the content from the www.asylum.com men's lifestyle site, including weird news, humor, fashion, sex tips, dating, style, food and wine, gadgets, tech, music, movies, events, health, fitness, entertainment and weirdness of all kinds.

To learn more about the app or download it go here:
http://www.asylum.com/downloads/iphone/

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Star Wars comes to the showroom!

Check out: "Honda shows off three-wheeled 3R-C concept vehicle" - www.engadget.com http://www.engadget.com/2010/02/25/honda-shows-off-three-wheeled-3r-c-concept-vehicle/?icid=engadget-iphone-url

Dig the idea of something like GM's P.U.M.A. personal transporter but wish it would make you want to say pew pew pew whenever you're driving? Then feast your eyes on the Honda 3R-C concept that's just been announced in advance of the Geneva Motor Show. Nothing even approaching a roll-out date, as you might expect, but the three-wheeled vehicle would apparently use a battery electric drivetrain mounted low in the chassis for improved stability, and it even includes a bit of room for storage in the front, along with a clear canopy that apparently shifts to a windshield to give the "pilot" a bit more headroom. Not much else in the way of details, unfortunately, but Honda might have a bit more to say after its official unveiling in Geneva next week.

-------------------------------

This article came from the Engadget iPhone App, which features everything from the latest smartphone news, to reviews and hands-on looks at laptops, HDTVs, gaming, and more. To learn more about the app or download it go here: http://www.engadget.com/downloads/iphone

Sent from my BAT::iPhone

Check out me and my celebrity friends!

Here's me and The Stooges!




Here I am with Marilynn




Here's me and The King!




Then some turtle just wanted to bask in my awesomeness!




See- I am kind of a big deal!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I want a gift card from this place!

I found it...

And you thought there was no such place, huh????




You will all be so pleased to see this.

How many times have we been 'up there without one?

P.S.- got this from my folks, they're funny!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone